Funny Triage stories

I lot of tragic stories come out of the Emergency Department, but a lot of funny ones do too.
Perhaps no place is richer in funny stories than Triage.
Triage , as you know, is a French work meaning "to sort."
The other day we were standing around the ED and sharing stories.
Let me share a few.

Our scale measures in Kilograms, not pounds, because medicine doses are figured in mg per kg.  Many. many times a day a patient will come in and when they find that we want them to step on the scale, they same something like, "O God, I can't even look."  Of course, they do look and then they see a strange number and I tell them its in kilograms, and the same person who couldn't look, who didn't want to know how heavy they are, says,
"What does that mean?"
Sometimes I tell them that its what they would weigh if we were in Canada.

Then there's the shoe removers.
Usually they weigh over 300 pounds and before they step on the scale, they kick there flip flops off.
Or, they're 15 years old with no body fat, and they do the same.
People, how much can flip flops weigh?

I had a guy who weighed 335 pounds, who took his cell phone out of his pocket and set it on a table before stepping on the scale.
It's true, I can't make this stuff up.

One of the best was what another nurse told me.
The guy emptied everything out of his pockets, stepped on the scale, stepped off the scale, and put it all back in his pockets.
This thing is.......... he held everything in his hands while he was on the scale

Then there's the reason for coming in.
How long have you had your headache?
"Like 20 or 30 minutes."
???????
or
"9 years."
In 9 years you've had a headache every day?
"yes"
What does your doctor say about it?
"I don't have a doctor."

There's also the pain scale.
On a scale of 0 to 10 how bad is your pain?
"20"
No, I mean if 10 is the worse pain you've ever had in your life, what is your pain now, 0 to 10?
"20"
No, if 10 is the worse pain you've ever had, including the pain your having right now, what's your pain 0-10?
"20"
So, the pain you're having now is worse than any pain you've ever had, including the pain your having now?
"yes"
OK, 20 it is.

Or this. On a major holiday.
When did your chronic back pain flare up?
"4-5 days ago."
Did you call your doctor?
"I called today, but he's not in the office."

Triage, it's a French word meaning "???????????"